Why You Always See Yourself As “UGLY”

Be honest with yourself, when was the last time that you walked past the mirror or you took a group picture and you looked at yourself and thought: man I look great! You see most people, if you’re not narcissistic, usually, when they look at themselves they’ll nitpick every little thing as if they have a spotlight on them.

People see themselves ugly

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All the time most people usually always see themselves as ugly or don’t like how they look, and at best think they’re just average, but what if I told you that you’re not ugly or at least maybe not as bad as you think because your brain is actually your worst enemy let me explain; you see the reason why you think you’re ugly is because you care too much, you see, many times you’re going to see another dude and you’ll think he looks pretty good, he looks at least average, you’ll never usually call another dude ugly, however, as soon as you see yourself in the mirror you immediately think you’re the most hideous thing you’ve ever seen! And that’s because you value how you look, way more than how freaking others look, you understand that your beauty affects your life exponentially more than how good looking others’ beauty will ever be and for that reason, you judge yourself more harshly. Here’s the crazy part though, that same psychological phenomenon that’s happening in our heads happens in their heads, so they’re judging us by that same standard, so in their eyes, you’re not as ugly as you think you are.

Loss aversion

image: Pixabay

The second reason why you might not like how you look is called loss aversion. As I mentioned earlier, our brain is truly our worst enemy, it’s not your look. In your brain, losses weigh heavier than wins; here’s an interesting exercise to explain how loss aversion works in your head. I am going to offer you a thousand bucks, and the rules are simple, if you choose to keep the thousand dollars, you’re going to lose 400 dollars immediately or you could choose to try to keep all of it but you get to run a 50/50 chance of either keeping it all or losing it all. The interesting part is that this exact study was run and it showed that 61 of the population would choose to gamble it all versus trying to keep it and losing 400 dollars upfront. now I’m going to give you a second proposition, here are a thousand dollars, the rules change though, right now I’ll give you a thousand dollars and if you decide to keep it all you get to keep 600 of it or you can choose to hold on to the thousand and again you’ll run the same 50/50 risk of either losing it all or keeping it. Can you guess what the results were in the second proposition? Interestingly enough, only 43 percent chose to gamble it so that means 20 more chose to go with the option ‘A’. You want to know why, eventually, both propositions ended up with you keeping 600, however, the verbiage on the first one your brain heard was lose 400, and on the second one keep 600. Our brain hates losses, the same thing happens with how you look, say you got big ears or you’ve got a big nose or you’re short or you’re too tall or you’re too fat or you’re too skinny, but on the other hand, you have great eyes, you have a great smile, your charisma is amazing, you’re a great person, your humor is out of this world, you’re a great conversationalist… At the end of the day, while you might have all these wins you solely focus on the losses, because your brain is wired for loss aversion.

The mirror effect

image: Pixabay

Sometimes, on a very rare occasion that you’re really dressed up, you look at yourself in the mirror and you think damn I look good today, but then you’ll go to your tagged pictures on Instagram and be like who the hell is that ugly beast! Well, that’s called the mirror effect. This is a psychological phenomenon where people tend to develop a preference for something merely because they are familiar with it. On average you’re used to seeing yourself in a mirror 10, 20 maybe even 30 times in a day so you already know which angle makes you look your best, when you’re looking at yourself in the mirror, seeing yourself in pictures however, that you’re not as used to, which leads you to spot all the asymmetrical differences that you hate about yourself, leading you to think that you’re that ugly beast of a man.

Attentional bias

image: Pixabay

Your brain, again, tricks you to think that whatever your attention is set on to be the most important thing over whatever you’re not paying attention to, remember how I just mentioned that your brain hates losses and overly focuses on them at the expense of your gains, well, if you spend most of your time or all of your attention only examining your flaws and only a little bit of time appreciating your positives, these flaws are going to weigh heavier in your mind, leading you to think you’re ugly because of that intentional bias, your mind perceives this to be the most important thing in your life.

My dear, I’m telling you you’re not ugly, it’s definitely the opposite, you’re beautiful inside and outside, so start acting accordingly.

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